This work is probably going to feel unfamiliar if you are used to viewing and pursuing transformation through spiritual means. This work is practical. It brings you back to your body and helps you learn to trust yourself. It reminds you of you who are and why it is important to be whole and healed in yourself to see lasting transformation in your relationships. While there is nothing wrong with spiritual practices, this work helps you pause from what might be a habit of spiritual bypassing so you are not leaning on such ingrained pathways of dissociation or even control. I know for myself, I was using spirituality as a way to control my husband and others around me. This work completely rocked me to my core and gave me the opportunity to surrender and let go so I could rebuild from a place of connection rather than something contrived. However the beautiful things that happen when you begin to surrender can definitely touch on our spirituality, because everything is connected. When we work on coming back to our body, we are creating a sense of wholeness, which includes and better supports our spirit.

This work disrupts the cultural norms where relationships are the focus of all the work; two people working on the union rather than each person being accountable for themselves. Instead of a partnered approach where control can creep in, we bring it back to the individual. I believe with my whole heart the best way to change a situation is to look inward. This work teaches you how to become wildly accountable and shows you how to live empowered through that accountability. This means you own what you want to see, you own the change, and you own how you show up because you are fully accepting responsibility for your life and how you choose connection to others. This tried and true method often inspires the kind of transformation in the relationship that exceeds all expectations.

This work will challenge the parts of us that pertain to certain outcomes. Instead we learn how to let go of rigid expectations and trust in a new value; the ability to cultivate. This work is a journey and it teaches you how to till and plow your life. It’s a holistic approach and instead of just trying to get to the destination quickly, it takes the scenic route. It is about fully healing, connecting, surrendering and owning every step along the way. It shows you how control never leads to love and is a fast way to kill the connection to yourself and others. You’ll see how control is a way to actually abandon yourself because your energy goes towards focusing on the behaviors of others. This work is about self acceptance, self compassion and self empowerment. It’s about trusting the process so you can CULTIVATE the life you’ve always wanted.

My experience is embedded in being a women, so I am most effective when I can share about and speak to connection with a feminine perspective. Men and women are so very different and our experiences are often contrasting. The nature of my work has a huge foundational piece to it that is focused on the feminine energy and how powerful it is to own that energy as a woman. When in a relationship with a man, the feminine gifts can truly inspire, compliment, and empower the masculine energy without having to involve the man in the process of coaching (which can feel contrived anyway). This soft, restful and seated strength creates waves of opportunity for any relationship, but especially with a man. Beautiful things start happening when we rest in that innate design, and it is crucial to this work. I have seen how this approach yields testimony, after testimony of transformed relationships with spouses, children and others. So for now I only coach women.

I have learned through my own journey, that emotional and relational turmoil is often related to chronic illness and pain.

Casey Means MD puts it like this: “If we harbor unprocessed chronic stress or trauma, we may be biologically primed to register that the world is not as safe as it could be. This can translate, via hormonal and neurologic responses, into impaired metabolic health—our metabolism doesn’t work optimally if it perceives that we are threatened.”

Irene Lyon in her 21 Day Nervous System Tune-up course alludes to the idea that a dysregulated nervous system stuck in survival mode, or chronic fight or flight, is the environment in which every disease (except genetic disorders) is born.

Trauma or chronic stress equals a dysregulated nervous system equals deteriorating health in every sense of the word, including our mind, soul and heart. When stuck in survival mode, we start to believe we live in a world where we lack safety. Our ability to make healthful decisions and connect with others becomes deeply impaired. This begins to manifest physically which creates more stress and a sense of danger and the cycle continues.

I firmly believe that we can not separate these things out. They are intricately entwined and to heal one area is to heal the other. When we can tap into the power of a healed nervous system we can create safety and rest within, and then build in resilience to connect with others.

A component to my work is ensuring we put a new cycle in motion: As we heal the nervous system, we heal our bodies and our relationship with self and others. As we establish emotional safety, and focus on connection, we heal the nervous system which leads the way to physical healing too! It doesn’t matter which way you look at it or what order you do it in, it all supports a very important journey towards wholeness.