What You Focus On Grows
When I find myself drowning in problems, I do a quick assessment of what I am focussing on and usually find that it’s all the negative stuff. Sometimes I go through hard seasons and I feel the weight of it all. That’s a normal part of life —weathering the storms. And sometimes I just get stuck in a rut and need to shift my perspective. When I find myself criticizing my partner all the time, it is a sign that I am actually being critical of myself and my perspective is tainted to only see the negative side of things.
Thankfully I have found a way to shift this.
I practise self compassion. I get curious about my thoughts and if I notice that the critical voice is coming after me first, I challenge it. I fill my heart with compassion and grace and remind myself of all the things I can enjoy and be proud of about me.
I meet the need behind this sudden urge to be critical. Maybe I am feeling resentful because I have not prioritized rest, a good meal, fun or being creative. Instead of allowing the critical thoughts to turn into blame, I empower myself by taking care of my needs. I might go on a walk and listen to a podcast, or I might turn on some music and dance. Whatever that looks like, it is a productive way to move out of a victim mindset.
I write a list of all the things I am grateful for, especially around the ares I feel critical about. Even if I can only think of one thing, it is better to focus on that one thing and allow it to shift my perspective. What I focus on grows, so I will experience more of whatever I give room to in my heart.
I turn my complaints into desires. If I am being critical, I am complaining about something. So I take that complaint and I flip it. If I am complaining about how messy the house is, I can use that to locate the desire: I would love a clean house. Sometimes just acknowledging the desire is enough to help me let go and surrender back into peace. Sometimes I need to add action, so I meet my need (empower myself) or I invite my husband in to be my hero by telling him my desire (without complaint or expectation).