The Catalyst
The night before my 37th birthday (March 12th 2022) I was hit with something I did not see coming. I picked up on a mutual attraction between my husband and another woman. I confronted Chad about it and he confirmed my discernment. My heart was shattered. She had been in his life for 5 months. I had no idea she existed. The friendship between them seemed like a threat, like the beginning of an emotional affair. Over the next month we would go on a rollercoaster ride of process, healing and a new way forward that has landed me here, sharing my story and the things I have learned, not just from that moment but also the many years we’ve been married (since 2007).
For now, here are three tips for transforming your marriage:
Focus on you, not him. Make yourself happy and get off his paper. When you’re happy, you’re attractive and it fulfills your man’s innate desire to please you. You are way easier pleased when you’re already happy. Furthermore you can actually be patient, kind, forgiving and less controlling when you take care of yourself. You will find capacity to be patient, kind and forgiving just by taking a nap and eating a good meal or doing something frivolous because it fills you up. We don’t have to strive or work harder to be a good wife.
Be grateful. Speak the language of gratitude. Search for evidence of things to be grateful for. Stop focusing on the lack, the negatives, the things to complain about. What you focus on grows. Even if it’s small, celebrate when your man does something, anything for you. This is his way of loving you.
Forget love languages. Love languages set you up for expectations that lead to disappointment. It’s a very conditional approach to love. Receive anything he does to love you. No matter what it is. The more you receive, the more he will want to do for you. Receiving well is a beautiful display of femininity which is incredibly attractive to your man.