How to heal through a trigger or moment of overwhelm by Building The New with self regulation and integration. This is especially helpful for those who have been through religious trauma or spiritual abuse and desire to feel safe and accepted in their humanness.
CREATE SPACE. Make sure you are in a safe space where you can go through this process preferably alone or with a safe person. The first few times you do this you may experience drastic expressions of the emotion because it is used to being suppressed. The longer you’ve been suppressing your emotions, the more time you might need to really get them unstuck. But as you continue to do this process the less dramatic those expressions usually become.
NAME AND FEEL IT. Name the emotion stuck underneath the trigger or overwhelm. Try to name it in its more pure form. For example, anxiety is not really an emotion. But feeling afraid could be the root emotion behind the anxiety. So you would say “I feel afraid.” Once you have named the emotion try not to go into details of what happened or who is to blame and avoid intellectualizing it or bypassing it spiritually. Just allow yourself to sit with it, to feel it. Surround yourself with endearing self talk during this process. Get curious. If you go straight to shame that's a strong indication you need to reparent yourself. No more criticism. Just grace and empathy. Begin to notice how the emotion shows up in your body. Where is it? Is it in your chest, your stomach, your heart, your head? How does it feel? Like pain, agitation, tightness, emptiness? This takes practice. Once you have felt it, let your body respond the natural way it wants to respond. Do you feel tension behind your eyes? That is a good indication you need to cry. Do you feel hot and bothered like fire is burning in your belly and you want to scream, or stomp around? Do it! Let the expression come. Repeat this process until you feel a letting go of that emotion. As it leaves your body, you hopefully feel tired and peaceful.
FIND THE NEED. There is always a need behind the emotion. Once you've felt the emotion and given it space to leave your body and you feel a sense of peace or just space within you can then ask yourself "what do I need?" This might take practice too. Eventually you will be able to understand the needs that sit behind the emotions.
MEET THE NEED. Whatever the need looks like, do your best to meet it or resource yourself. If you need some reassurance in an area, or you need wisdom and clarity, begin to provide that for yourself or facilitate it. And with the help of the skills, you can invite your husband or a safe friend into the process. Meeting the need could look like going for a walk, listening to an encouraging podcast, getting a facial, taking a bath as tears fall, providing yourself with really kind and gentle self-talk and encouragement, learning a new skill, reading a book. Inviting someone in to help might sound like “I feel so sad today, and I am not coping very well. I would love some encouragement.” OR “I am going for a walk, would you like to come with me?” It all sounds simple, but it is these little gestures toward yourself that cultivate the very acceptance and trust you need to build resilience so you can have emotional safety to regulate in the overwhelm.
PRACTICE. Continue to feel emotions as they come up. This may seem like a lot at first because there is a lot that's been suppressed. It will slow down after a while. Continue to meet your needs as a practice. Continue to reparent yourself with a kind and nurturing inner voice. Stay curious and avoid shame.